Prayer Beads
by Ai Meri
Summary: Naraku’s defeat is bittersweet when he pulls one final trap. After losing everything important to her, Sango tries to follow Miroku’s last request of her.
1. Default Chapter

(A/N) Okay folks! Not much to say really. Sorry about the stupid summery, I suck at those. This is my first Inuyasha fanfic, (and the first fanfic that I have written and put up in a long time.) I'll take any kind of review, but instead of flaming how about you tell me what you don't like. The rating is for later chapters. "Means talking" _Means thought_. Umm, I think that is all and thank you for taking time to read! Ai Meri

Summery: Naraku's defeat is bittersweet when he pulls one final trap. After losing everything important to her, Sango tries to follow Miroku's last request of her.

**Part One: Juzu**

_Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred, one hundred and one. Only eleven are missing._

"Sango?" The voice was far away, high pitched and feminine. Sango didn't reply there would be no reason too. With Inuyasha's nose he and Kagome would find her soon enough. Running the broken strand of light blue prayer beads through her bloodstained fingers Sango began to count them again.

"Oi! Sango! Miroku!" This voice was closer, male and gruff, Inuyasha's.

Bitter tears stung her eyelids and threaten to fall. _Why yell? Can't you smell it you stupid hanyou? Can't you tell that he isn't here anymore? _Sango barely registered the fact that someone was running up behind her. She only paused in her counting when a pair of thin arms were thrown around her shoulders.

"It's over! We did it!" Kagome laughed into her ear "Naraku, he's gone! We di-" she stopped when she saw what was in Sango's lap. A small blood stained body that looked peaceful enough to be sleeping. "Sango..." Kagome trailed off unsure of what to say to the poor girl.

Sango didn't say anything; she had given up her foolish thoughts of Kohaku coming out of this alive a long time ago. She only mourned over his body because she couldn't over the one she wanted to.

"Sango, where's Miroku?"

"He said I couldn't follow him, he wouldn't allow it because-" Sango stopped, her tears leaving warm tracks down her face. Dropping the beads she hugged Kohaku to her chest. "He hit me and ran."

"Sango?" Kagome's arm's tightened around her shoulders.

"The bastard left me! He said he couldn't die happy unless I lived." Sango was sobbing and screaming, but she didn't care. "He hit me so I couldn't follow, the selfish bastard didn't even think of what I wanted!"

"Kagome?" Inuyasha's voice beckoned for the younger girl. With a final squeeze Kagome left Sango in the clearing, she found Inuyasha standing next a large hole in the ground. They had seen one like it before, but older and with a gravestone. This one's only ornamentation was a shakujou left at its side. They had defeated Naraku only moments too late.

They buried Kohaku's body near the river. Dressed in his _taijiya_ uniform he looks both older and younger than his thirteen years. Inuyasha had tracked down a wandering Buddhist monk with an apprentice to perform the customary rites for Kohaku and Miroku. To ensure that their spirits would pass over to be reborn. For their services the monks were giving food and candles, and a place to stay. Sango made it a point to learn their names; she couldn't get herself to call them Houshi-sama. During the night she approached the younger of the two, while he paused in his mediation to eat.

"Amane-sama, do you have a moment?"

A pleasant smile crossed his young face and he indicated for her to sit down. "I heard from the young miko that you were the sister of one the deceased and very close to the other. I was wondering if you need someone to talk to."

Using her bangs and ducking her head Sango hid the tears that were welling up. "No, it's not that. I was wondering if you could repair this?" She handed him the strand of prayer beads.

"This is a juzu of monk."

"I know." The number of beads on a juzu indicated the progress of someone on their path to Buddha. Monks usually had strands of 108 or 112 beads when everyone else only had strands of 30 or 40 beads. "They belonged to my, my friend." She stumbled over the last few words.

The monk smiled and patted her on the shoulder "Then I shall repair it for you." When the beads were returned to Sango she looped them around her right hand and wrist in imitation of a hand that would often find its way to her rear.

After three days of mediation, reflection, and prayer the monks went on their way and the former Shikon no Tama hunters headed towards Kaede's village. What should have been a celebratory march home started off quiet and depressed. As the days and miles passed some things went back to normal. Inuyasha and Kagome started to bicker over almost every little thing, Shippo began to demand candy and Kagome's constant attention all the while harassing Inuyasha, and, while still a bit painful, Sango found herself smiling at their antics.

She missed her Houshi-sama more than she let on. She would have traded anything to feel his hand grope her again. She rarely cried for him, though she often woke up to find her pillow wet, mostly she just felt numb. There were moments when she would look over her should expecting to see him walking behind her. Every night before she fell asleep she would wish to wake up and find that it had all been a dream. More than once she had considered telling Kagome to take care of Kirara before walking to a secluded spot to kill herself. But that would ruin everything, suicide would keep her soul from being reborn, and then she would never see Miroku again. All she could do was live and pray for a short life.

When they reached Kaede's village the Shikon no Tama was put back into the shrine with Inuyasha and Kagome, when she wasn't in school in her time, as its guardians. Sango stayed with them, advertising her skill as a _taijiya_. She was glad for the work, it kept her mind occupied. While Sango put all of her heart into the fight, her mind was cloudy. She was careless when she fought, surviving mostly by skill and luck, not by thought. While there were still thought of restarting the Slayer's village, Sango had no idea on how to do it.

Walking home after removing a pesky but weak weasel demon from a minor lord's mansion, Sango passed a wedding ceremony. It brought back memories of standing next to a river and being asked if she would live and bear the children of the only man she ever truly loved. _Would I have been married now? Would I be running towards Houshi-sama now to tell him that my cycle was off? _Her eyes blurred from tears and her hands shook. _I can hear his laughter at the news as he grabs my waist and kis-STOP IT!_ Gripping Kirara to her chest Sango ran away from the ceremony. She ran blindly only stopping when her foot became tangled with some exposed roots.

"_Sango." The voice was monotonous. It came from the boy standing half hidden in the wooded area._

_Her eyes dart back and forth between the shell that is her brother, her only living relative and to Naraku, her mortal enemy who took almost everything away from her. She tightened her grip on Hiraikotsu and her wakizashi. The boy looks at her for only a moment more before disappearing into the shadows of the forest. She is unsure of what to do, should she stay and support her friends or go after her brother? This whole thing stinks of a trap._

"_Go after Kohaku." Inuyasha orders after a moment, "We don't need him attacking us from behind."_

_Sango just nods a response before running after her brother. The jingle of the decorative rings of a shakujou tells her that she is not alone. She internally smiles; Houshi-sama is the only thing that Naraku hasn't taken away from her yet. They run together until the chain sickle of Kohaku flashes through the air. She blocks it with the Hiraikotsu; her goal is to tangle the sickle and fight her brother in close-combat. With the next throw she draws the wakizashi, dodging the sickle she aims for the chain and with a sudden thrust she tangles the blade with several of the links before driving the sword into the ground._

_With his primary weapon gone, Kohaku runs at her with his own wakizashi. Knowing that her Hiraikotsu is useless she doesn't reach for it, instead she triggers the hidden blade inside of her sleeve. Using it to parry she waits for an opening, where she will either hit her brother in the chest or the back of the head knocking him unconscious. While her hopes are low that he will survive much long, she will do all in her power to keep him alive. After a few steps of their dangerous dance an opening is seen, but not for her. Stepping quickly but quietly Miroku steps up behind Kohaku and brings a swift chop to the back of the boy's neck. Kohaku's eyes clear up for a moment, losing the glazed dead look, before stumbling into Sango's arm._

_She takes off his mempo, before laying Kohaku down onto the ground. His pulse is steady and his breathing is deep, she isn't worry. "Thank you, Houshi-sama, Kirara will stay here to watch over him, let's go join the others." Standing up, she keeps an eye on her brother instead of where she is going and ends up walking straight into Miroku, who takes full advantage of this moment._

_One of his arms wraps around her waist pulling her in closer, his other hand tilts her face up. With a sigh he rests his forehead against her, his thumb gently running across her bottom lip down the side of her face. Her face turns warm and pink, "Houshi-sama?" She stammers._

_He doesn't respond with the beautiful words that seem to flow so easily from him, instead he leans and kisses her gently. The whole situation takes less than ten seconds, but it feels like a lifetime has passed. Miroku pulls away, "Let's go help the other." Sango can only nod in response._

_They barely take ten steps when Kohaku screams. Spinning around Sango sees her brother on his knees his arms wrapped around his head. She runs to him, and gathers him into his arm. "I killed them all Sango! I tried to kill you!" the young boy sobs into her shoulder. She whispers comforts to him while rocking him back and forth like a small child. Miroku comes up behind her and reaches out with his right hand. This was the moment Naraku was waiting for._

_The only warning they had was brief stiffing of Kohaku's body. With that he pushed Sango out of the way and drove his wakizashi up to the hilt into the center of Miroku's hand, severing the prayer beads. The juzu drops to the ground as the hilt of the wakizashi disappeared into the uncontrolled Kazaana. Kohaku jumps up and runs toward his grounded chained sickle, as Miroku backs up keeping his hand fisted and up to his chest. Sango finds herself frozen, unable to move. She just watches as her brother picks up the sickle, there is enough slack left in the chain for him to raise it above his head, his eyes still glazed over, showing Naraku's control. With one quick swing Kohaku buries his weapon into his back, dislodging the small pink jewel shard there. Still frozen, Sango watches as her brother falls for the very last time. It's not till the monk speaks to her that she breaks out of the spell._

"_Sango?" Miroku is standing away from her, his face is pale. He keeps his right hand pulled tight to chest. "Sango, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything."_

_She begins to walk towards him, dreading what she knows is happening. "Houshi-sama, no." is all she can whisper._

"_Stay there, please don't come any closer." He pleads, crying now. "Sango, I just want you to know that I love you."_

_Sango runs towards him, when she gets to him she wraps her arms around him. "Don't leave me." She can feel a slight pull from the Kazaana._

"_I would hate myself for all eternity if I caused your death Sango." He doesn't try to push her away though; his uncursed hand wipes away her tears. "Do me a favor?"_

"_Anything."_

"_Just be happy."_

_Sango just sobs harder into his chest. How could she be happy if he was gone?_

"_One final thing, Sango, let me be selfish. Say my name."_

_Looking up Sango looks him in the eye "Mi-Miroku. I love you Miroku."_

_With that he kissed her on the forehead, and drives his fist into her stomach. Winding her and dropping Sango to her knees. "I can't have you follow me Sango, I love you too much." And then he was gone. Collapsing onto the ground Sango sees the broken strand of prayer beads; they're all she has left of him._

Translations (I'm going to skip over the words you all probably know, but if there are any questions feel free to ask)

Juzu: Buddhist prayer beads

Shakujou: A decorative staff used by Buddhist monks

Wakizashi: A short sword between 21 and 24 inches long

Mempo: A decorative, protective face mask


	2. Part Two: Suri da!

Authors Note: Well here is part two, geez, no offense to anyone but this story is being a bitch to me. Me no likey, grrr story! GRRR! Oh well, I'll try to finish it. I'm assuming it will be either 4 or 5 chapters, not quite sure yet.

Disclaimer: (I know I forgot last time) No, I do not own any of the trademarked characters, if you can't tell whom I'm talking about then why are you reading this?

Thank you(s) & Stuff

**AddictedtoInuyasha**: Thank you! And for being my first reviewer please accept this prize of…uh…my eternal gratitude?

**mysticat421**: yeeeaaah, about Kohaku, I really just needed to kill him off. Don't get me wrong I love the kid (cutest freckles ever!). And I really just drew up a blank there on how. So, let's just say to screw with Sango's mind because Naraku is evil and twisted and smells like cheese.

**TeamRocket Sapphire**: You also get a big thank you! But in French. MERCI!!

**Xichiathik**: First off, wow how do you pronounce your name? And about Miroku it's just like what Shippo says…if you take the lecher out of him all you have left is the Kazaana.

**kirara242**: Hmm, what can I give you to make you feel special? Foil? Everyone loves aluminum foil!

**Animefan1026** Eeek! I'm sorry! Really, have a Kleenex!

**Aussieisohana:** Ai Meri just smiles and flashes you a peace sign, and slowly backs away

**Part Two: Suri da!**

Sango spent the night by the side of the road in her fall she had twisted her ankle. She could have asked Kirara to carry her home, but she had no desire too. She didn't want Inuyasha and Kagome questioning her on why she was limping and smelling of tears. Using her _mo-bakama_ as a pillow, Sango watched the stars. For the first time since that horrible day she allowed herself to truly cry over her brother and Houshi-sama. She was cold, hungry, wet, and miserable.

When the sun rose, so did Sango. Her ankle was swollen and stiff, but the pain was tolerable. It only slowed her down a little. She met up with Inuyasha outside of the village, he had been sent out by a worried Kagome. She smiled and blamed everything on her ankle. This got her hustled indoors where Kagome fussed over Sango and her ankle.

"I don't like you going out alone." Kagome said softly wrapping a warm, wet cloth around Sango's leg.

"I'll be fine, I've been fighting youkai since I was a child."

"It's not the youkai that scare me. Inuyasha has seen more robbers and rouge samurai on the roads these days than ever before."

Sango shrugged "I always have Kirara with me, if there are too many for me to fight off I could always just fly away."

"Does it still hurt?"

"My ankle is fine, thank you." Sango tried to stand to leave, but Kagome put her hands on her shoulders forcing Sango to stay sitting.

"Not that. Does it still hurt that Miroku is gone."

Sango dropped her head; she hated having people see her cry. "Yes."

"I'm sorry, do need to talk?"

_There's that question again._ Sango buried her face into her hands "I can't help but think of him constantly, everything reminds me of him."

"It's alright, let it out."

"I wake up every morning expecting him to be there. When I'm walking down the road and everything is too quiet I expect to be groped. When he asked me to live with him and bear his children, I was so happy. But Naraku took that away from me. He took everything away from me." Sango clenched her fist, digging Miroku's prayers into her palm. "I'm so lost, I have no idea what to do. I want to die, I want to be reborn so I have a chance of seeing him again."

"Sango! You don't mean that do you?"

"What if I do? You don't know how I feel!" Sango pushed Kagome's hands off of her shoulders and stood up. "What did you lose? I lost everything because of that stupid jewel!"

"You're right, I don't know how you feel." Kagome's voice didn't hold any anger, only sympathy. "But you're not alone; I care about you and so do Inuyasha and Shippo."

Sango laughed bitterly "It's just not the same."

Kagome forced Sango not to work for a week, stating that it would be better for her ankle but Sango knew better. Where ever she went there would be Kagome watching her out the corner of her eye. Making sure that she didn't do anything stupid and irreversible. Rumors came around about an inn, a five days walk away, which had a rat youkai problem. Sango leapt at the chance to get away from Kagome's watch. She and Kirara left early the next morning.

The trip there was uneventful, lonely and boring. Get up at dawn, eat a small breakfast, walk till the sun was directly overhead, rest for an hour, walk till the sun went down, eat dinner, sleep, and then start the whole process again. Sango wished she had someone to talk to, she did have Kirara but it would have been nice to have someone who would respond back. _Maybe I should take an apprentice? _

The village wasn't as small as Sango had thought. The busy dirt streets were lined with tea houses and shops. Pushing her way through the crowd Sango saw countless brothels and inns, but none of them showed any signs of a demon infestation. Stopping at a small shop selling rolls of Chinese silk Sango browsed a bit before casually asking.

"I heard that there is an inn around here with a rat youkai problem?"

The elderly shopkeeper snorted. "The Three Lilies, near the edge of town, but I wouldn't say it's a rat youkai."  
"How come?" Sango ran her fingers over a light cream roll.

"It masquerades as a boy. A young one too, 'bout five or six years old."

Sango just made a small humming noise deep in throat before buying a few yards of the cream silk, she needed a new _hadajuban_.

Now that she knew where she was going it didn't take long for Sango to find the inn. A building that appeared older than its neighbors, it looked inviting with a large wrap-around porch that was surrounded by lilies. It also looked utterly deserted. As she crossed the yard Kirara let out a chirp before leaping off of Sango's shoulder and disappearing into the lilies. "Oi! Kirara!" Chasing after the neko-yuokai Sango sank to her knees amongst the fragrant white flowers, there she could see a hole in the wall. It led to a storage area under the house, in the shadows there were the outlines of jugs and crates. Sango let out another call for Kirara, and was answered by soft laughter. The lilting giggle of a small boy.

Intrigued because of the words of the old silk seller Sango started to crawl into the storage room. "Hello?" She was answered by something hard striking her butt.

Pulling her head and shoulders out of the hole Sango glared at the old man standing over her, with his foot pulled back to deliver another kick. "THIEF!"  
"What?"

"Trying to steal my best sake!"

"I was not! I was trying to find the boy."

The man clenched his fists, his bald head turning red "Yukio." He hissed before shoving Sango out of the way to yell into the hole. "Damn it Yukio, you better pray that I don't find you!" He seemed to have forgotten Sango, who just sat in the lilies trying not to be noticed, as he stormed up to the doors of the house. After the sliding door slammed shut there was a rustling from the store room and a small shape shot and right into Sango, who instinctively wrapped her arms around it.

It was a small boy, dressed in a filthy dark green kimono that was ripped and a few sizes too big. His hair was deep black, but was matted and just as dirty as his face. Sango couldn't see his eyes because he had them tightly closed as he shook. But mostly the impression that she got from him was fear. This boy was scared and his fear was transferring over to her.

Scooping the small child into her arms, Sango ran towards the edge of town where there was a small slope to shield the boy from sight. She was aware that she had abandoned Kirara, but didn't worry; the cat could take care of herself. Sliding down into a sitting position Sango sat the boy down in front of her. She kept her right hand on his should to keep him from running away; her left hand swept his hair out of his eyes. Eyes that were a dusky purple color, almost exactly like a pair that used to leave her with butterflies in her stomach.

For a few long heartbeats Sango couldn't speak, her throat felt thick and closed. When she could finally get in a breath she demanded, "Who are your parents, boy?"

Angrily wiping away the still wet tears, the boy glared at her but didn't say anything.

Lessening the severity of her tone, Sango tired a different approach "What is your name?" The man at the inn had yelled out the name Yukio, but Sango wanted to put the boy at ease. The boy still didn't say anything. "I'm Sango, are you hungry?"

"Y-yes."

Sango pulled a withered apple out of pack and gave it to the boy. He was small, but not unhealthy. As the old woman in the silk shop had said he was five or six, and he appeared so. Pouring some water from her canteen onto the corner of her _mo-bakama_ Sango wiped the dirt off his face.

"My name is Yukio." He said finishing off the pip of the apple. Under the dirt Sango saw more features that similar to her Houshi-sama, only different due to the softening of youth. After spitting out a final seed, he shrugged his thin shoulders "I dunno who my parents are. But my _gaisobo_ lives at the inn." He grinned broadly at Sango and threw himself at her, hugging her shoulder. "Thank you for the apple Sango-sama!" And with that Yukio was running up the hill laughing like any normal child.

A little taken back at the sudden change of mood, Sango just smiled and waved.

_Could it be? Could that boy be Houshi-sama's? The way that he traveled around it could be possible. But who is the mother?_ Sango felt a sudden spike of jealousy towards the woman who might have gotten what should have been hers. _Was Yukio's mother one of the women that Houshi-sama asked his question to? That mean she was pretty. _

Narrowing her eyes, Sango glared at the sky. She wasn't sure how she felt about the situation. She was angry that some other woman might have born the child of the man she loved. But she was happy that there could be a viable link to him. Ripping her eyes away from the sky Sango noticed that her _kosode's_ collar was disarranged. With a sigh Sango readjusted her collar, there was something off though. It didn't take her long to figure out what was missing, her wallet.

The boy had picked her pocket.

Translations

Suri da: Pickpocket

Mo-bakama: Sango's green apron thingy

Hadajuban: A slip like kimono that is worn under a kosodo

Gaisobo: Maternal Grandmother

Kosodo: the type of Kimono worn by Sango. A/N Errg, it bothers me when people say that she is wearing a yakata.


End file.
